Separation or divorce advice
If you're going through separation or divorce right now, coping with the holidays may have been challenging. Your life is changing anyway, so why not take the opportunity to reinvent it on your terms? This is the perfect time to make some powerful 2016 Resolutions that will put you on the path to happiness and prosperity. Here are ten suggestions for 2016 Resolutions for separated or divorced individuals. Use whichever items apply to your situation, or use it to inspire you to create your own list.
1) Complete your divorce this year. If you've been dragging your heels -- either hoping for reconciliation or to cause maximum aggravation for your ex -- it's time to get clear on whether you both want the same thing. If your ex confirms his/her wish to proceed with the divorce, honour it and complete whatever paperwork is outstanding so you can start your new life in this new year.
2) Choose your battles and choose who fights them for you. Resolve not to use your lawyer or the court to try to settle your emotional issues with your ex: it's the most expensive and least effective way to handle these disputes. Although we are both understanding and willing to listen and discuss these issues, your best course of action may be to ask a counsellor or wise friend for assistance in working through emotional issues.
3) Update your will, trusts, insurance policies, and estate plans (if any). Revoke your will by literally tearing it up and making a new one. If your situation is relatively simple, you can make a basic will or living trust using software designed for the purpose; if your situation is more complicated, we would be happy to create these documents for you. Consider: n naming a new executor for your will. n updating your beneficiary designations for life insurance policies and pensions (unless your divorce agreement calls for your ex--spouse to remain the beneficiary of these). n naming two powers of attorney: one for medical decisions and one for financial matters. You could designate one person for both roles, or choose two different people based on each individual's knowledge and experience.
4) Meet with a financial expert. Before finalising your divorce, get some objective advice about how to achieve your financial goals from an expert who specialises in divorce issues. If you do not have an independent financial advisor, we would be happy to introduce you to one that best suits your needs.
5) Don't badmouth your ex in front of your kids. At best, you will cause a painful loyalty conflict for them. Instead, encourage your children to love and spend time with their other parent.
6) Never withhold contact or child maintenance to punish your ex. Children of divorce adjust better and are happier if they have frequent, meaningful contact with both parents. Also, child support is more often paid on time and in full when the person paying sees his or her kids frequently.
7) Be cooperative co--parents. For instance, try to accommodate reasonable requests to alter the visitation schedule from time to time. Both parents should be welcome, and behave themselves, at the children's milestone events, such as graduations, weddings, and the birth of grandchildren. Children shouldn't fear having their parents in the same room -- it will ruin their special days and may have a detrimental effect.
8) Start exercising regularly to banish depression. Exercise triggers your brain to releases endorphins and serotonin, which block feeling pain in your muscles -- but more importantly, it makes you feel happy. Study after study has shown the emotional benefits of regular exercise which not only treats but can also prevent depression in people of all age groups later in life.
9) Forgive your ex. Forgiveness is as much for the person who grants it as for the person who receives it. If you don't forgive, you will be bound to your ex forever through hatred. Forgiveness will free you; holding a grudge (no matter how justified) will shackle you. You don't have to forget -- remember the lesson, but forgive and move on.
10) Forgive yourself. It really does take two to tango, and there is something about the breakdown of your marriage for which you need to forgive yourself. If you were blindsided by the divorce, you may have to forgive yourself for ignoring the warning signs.
At Quality Solicitors Rose & Rose we are here to help you. Your past does not equal your future — unless you allow it to. In the past, you and your partner did what you did and said what you said with the resources and emotions you had available to you both at the time.
If either of you could have done it differently, you probably would have done. The truth is neither of you knew or chose any other way at the time.
Divorcing with dignity means there should be no blame. When you are able to view yourself as an individual and no longer someone’s partner, then the process of emotionally divorcing will be complete.
There is life after divorce. As you gain emotional strength each day you will emerge stronger and more resilient.
Quality Solicitors Rose & Rose will provide you with all the advice and support you need to get your life back on track as soon as possible. Our experienced team offers you both cost effective and time efficient legal solutions to the problems that you face. Whatever the problem is that you face, our priority is to ensure that we provide you with a solution that protects you and your interests.
Please note we are unable to offer legal aid.